Looking for Candy: Another Cartwright Commercial
by Laurie Partridge
Summary: The Cartwright brothers, Cousin Will (Guy Williams), and Candy Canaday (David Canary) hawk their favorite candy bars when the lovely Regina Rossi (Brioni Farrell) visits the Ponderosa. See if you can recognize thirteen candy bar commercial slogans from years past. All candy commercial slogans courtesy of TV Acres website and Youtube.


FADE IN:

EXT. – PONDEROSA RANCH – DAY

Adam and Hoss Cartwright and their cousin Will Cartwright repair a fence on a warm, spring afternoon. Little Joe, who has climbed a large Gambel Oak tree, announces the arrival of the lovely Regina Rossi. She is dressed in a beautiful white dress and carrying a matching parasol. Will doffs his hat as he admires the young woman.

WILL: Good afternoon, Ma'am. I'm Will Cartwright, cousin of the Cartwright boys. How can I be of assistance to you, a very charming young woman indeed?

REGINA: Hello, Will. I am Regina Rossi. I'm looking for Candy

WILL: Why? Are you a Cadbury fruit and nut case?

Regina stares at Will oddly.

REGINA: No. No, I don't think so.

Will pulls out a Cadbury Crème egg from his pocket.

WILL: You're looking at a very unusual kind of egg from Cadbury, Ma'am. It's usually around only for Easter. The shell is pure Cadbury milk chocolate.

Will breaks the egg open, revealing a luscious filling.

WILL: The inside is a sweet, creamy yellow yoke surrounded by delicious white filling. Crème Eggs from Cadbury.

Regina shakes her head.

REGINA: No, no, no.

Hoss approaches Regina and pushes Will aside.

HOSS: Step aside, Cousin. I think I know Miss Regina just a little bit better than you do.

Hoss holds up a bag of plain M&M's.

HOSS: All the world loves M&M's. They are pure milk chocolate joy for everyone.

Hoss opens the bag and pops some M&M's into his mouth. He holds up his right hand.

HOSS: M&M's Miss Regina. They melt in your mouth. Not in your hand.

Regina shakes her head.

REGINA: No, no, no.

Little Joe, who has been watching the proceedings from a Gambel Oak tree, swings down by his knees and hangs upside down from a sturdy tree branch. He holds an Almond Joy candy bar in his hands.

LITTLE JOE: Sometimes you feel like a nut.

Adam rolls his eyes at his youngest brother's antics. He stands next to the Gambel Oak and holds a Mounds candy bar in his hands.

ADAM: Sometimes you don't.

LITTLE JOE: Almond Joy got nuts.

ADAM: Mounds don't.

LITTLE JOE: Almond Joy got real milk chocolate coconut and munchy nuts, too.

ADAM: Mounds got deep dark chocolate and chewy coconut.

LITTLE JOE: Sometimes you feel like a nut.

ADAM: Sometimes you don't.

Regina shakes her head.

REGINA: No, no, no.

Hoss holds up a Hershey's candy bar.

HOSS: Miss Regina any time you want delicious chocolate there's no need to go looking very far because Hershey's is the great American chocolate bar.

Will holds up a bag of Hershey's Kisses.

WILL: And Hershey's Kisses are delightfully delicious, one-of-a-kind kisses.

Little Joe climbs down from the Gambel Oak tree in disgust.

LITTLE JOE: Hoss how can you stand there and say Hershey's has the best chocolate?

WILL: Dare I point this out, Little Joe. Almond Joy is a Hershey's product.

LITTLE JOE: I know. I also know that N-E-S-T-L-E-S Nestles makes the very best chocolate.

Hoss narrows his eyes at Little Joe.

HOSS: I knew it! You and Hop Sing were taste-testing chocolate candy bars last night and you didn't invite me!

Little Joe takes a bite of his Nestles Crunch bar.

LITTLE JOE: Besides it crunches when it crunches. That's why I love Nestles Crunch!

Will holds up a box of Raisinets.

WILL: Catch some raisins. Catch some Raisinets – also from Nestles.

Regina shakes her head.

REGINA: No, no, no.

ADAM: Miss Rossi, I know just the candy for you.

Adam holds up a York Peppermint Pattie. He bites into it.

ADAM: When I bite into a York Peppermint Pattie, I get the sensation of arriving at the Boston Harbor on the _Sovereign of the Seas_ Clipper ship. I can almost smell that sea air now…

Hoss smells the ripe Ponderosa air.

HOSS: Around here, Miss Regina, we smelly mostly – er – cow dung!

WILL: I know how Adam feels. I've got that wanderlust too.

Will holds up a Dove candy bar.

WILL: In fact I often reminisce about my travels through Mexico when I lose myself in the silky smooth dark chocolate of a Dove candy bar. My moment. My Dove.

Little Joe holds up a 3 Musketeers candy bar.

LITTLE JOE: It's a good time for a good time with 3 Musketeers, the big chocolate bar that's fluffy inside.

Regina shakes her head.

REGINA: No, no, no.

Little Joe pulls out a roll of Lifesavers Candy from his pocket.

LITTLE JOE: I almost forgot about Lifesavers, my favorite hard candy with a hole in the middle.

Hoss, Adam, and Will each pull out a roll of Lifesavers Candy from their pockets.

LITTLE JOE, HOSS, ADAM, and WILL: Lifesavers, Lifesavers, fun to eat. Super flavors, can't be beat. Twenty-two flavors, twenty-two rolls. Hey Lifesavers!

Regina shakes her head.

REGINA: No, no, no.

Little Joe fishes around in his jacket pocket and pulls out a package of Skittles.

LITTLE JOE: Skittles! Taste the rainbow!

Regina shakes her head.

REGINA: No, no, no. You don't understand. I'm looking for Candy Canaday, your ranch hand.

Hoss's face falls.

HOSS: Oh! Him!

Candy Canaday approaches Regina. He holds a Kit Kat candy bar.

CANDY: Miss Rossi, can I give you a break – a break of my Kit Kat bar?

Regina accepts half of the Kit Kat candy bar.

Candy winks at Adam, Hoss, Little Joe and Will as he and Regina walk away together.

FADE OUT.


End file.
